soberthrive

Recovery patrons are the advisors and accountability partners you designate to help guide your recovery journey. I discuss how to select and form your recovery patron team in chapter five of Triple Module Recovery. Checking in with your recovery patron team should be a regular occurrence, especially early in sobriety. Here are some suggested topics for your check-ins:

• How did I feel this morning? Why?
• How did I feel this afternoon/evening? Why?
• Did I have any cravings today? If so, why?
• Did I indulge in any addictions today? If so, why?
• What did I do to stay sober today?

Some days you’ll experience cravings, and some you won’t. Either way you can always complete an entry in your craving log. Tracking cravings is critically important as discussed in chapter five of Triple Module Recovery. Internal observation of addictive cravings and their origins will allow you recognize triggers. Later we’ll use those triggers to craft counter strikes.

• Did I have any addictive cravings today?

If No:

• How does being craving-free today make me feel?
• Is there a reason I was craving-free today?

If Yes (past tense):

• What was I doing before this craving arrived?
• What was I thinking before this craving arrived?
• What was I feeling before this craving arrived?

If Yes (present tense)

• What am I doing now that this craving has arrived?
• What am I thinking now that this craving has arrived?
• What am I feeling now that this craving has arrived?

If Yes (future tense)

• What am I going to do next?
• What am I going to think next?
• What am I going to feel next?

I discuss the vice log and the concept of conscious indulgence in chapter seven of Triple Module Recovery. This is a very delicate subject. Let me reiterate that I want you to stay sober. Whatever your addictive behavior is, my hope is that you won’t indulge in it. However, I also recognize that we are all imperfect creatures and if you’re struggling with addiction there may be slips, particularly in early sobriety. Should that happen, I encourage you to at least leverage some value from that slip by completing an entry in your vice log. By carefully examining what we actually experience when we choose to partake in an addictive behavior, we learn that indulgence is never as satisfying as we think it is and that the consequences that follow are greater than whatever pleasure we get from our slip. Please note that chapter seven contains lists of recommended coping mechanisms and self-care activities.

• Am I going to indulge an addictive craving?

If No:

• Am I going to use a coping mechanism instead? Which one?
• Am I going to engage in self-care instead? If so, how?

If Yes (before indulging):

• What am I seeing?
• What am I touching?
• What am I tasking?
• What am I hearing?
• What am I smelling?
• What thoughts am I having?
• What emotions am I feeling?

If Yes (while indulging):

• What am I seeing?
• What am I touching?
• What am I tasking?
• What am I hearing?
• What am I smelling?
• What thoughts am I having?
• What emotions am I feeling?

If Yes (after indulging):

• What am I seeing?
• What am I touching?
• What am I tasking?
• What am I hearing?
• What am I smelling?
• What thoughts am I having?
• What emotions am I feeling?

Attending recovery meetings is an important component of recovery because it allows us to build genuine connection with like-minded others. These relationships are a critical source of support when we’re having a rough day and are tempted to indulge our addictive behaviors. 

The key is finding meetings that we get real value from. It’s not just a matter of showing up for a meeting. We need meetings that we find genuinely engaging. Those are the meetings that we’ll keep coming back to and ultimately form personal connections in. Therefore it’s import to actually measure the value we’re getting from a given meeting. If the W.I.S.E. score (see below) is 10 or higher it’s worth your time, but if it’s in single digits it’s probably time to try other meetings.

Visit the Recovery Orgs page to research which programs you may be interested in attending meetings for. Visit the Recovery Meetings page for a detailed view of what recovery meetings actually involve.

• Which meeting did I attend today? Online or in-person?
• How welcoming was the meeting? (1-5)
• How informative was the meeting? (1-5)
• How supportive was the meeting? (1-5)
• How engaging was the meeting? (1-5)
• Add up the four rows above to calculate the meeting’s W.I.S.E. score
• Any other thoughts on this meeting?

As I mention several times throughout Triple Module Recovery, when it comes to addiction powerlessness is the enemy. Addiction leaves no room for hope or strength. It often feels insurmountable, as if someone else is driving our bodies and we’re just passengers, barreling towards a crash we’re helpless to stop. Well, nothing is more effective at disproving the feeling of powerlessness than witnessing your own power in action, and that’s the hidden value of supporting others. 

Sometimes we’re too weak to help ourselves, but curiously it seems we always have enough strength to help someone else, because it’s actually very easy to make a difference in someone else’s life. A kind word, a message of encouragement, a genuine compliment, or a warm hug can completely alter someone’s mindset. It can change their day, which can change their week, which can change their month, which can change their life. When you understand the kind of power you’re truly wielding, your own problems will become much more manageable. Make it your goal to support others at every opportunity and watch your own power grow.

• Who did I support today?
• How did I support them?
• How did my support make them feel?
• How did supporting someone make me feel?

If you frequent recovery meetings you will often hear references to the 500-pound phone. It’s a metaphor for how oddly difficult it can be to pick up the phone and ask for help when we need it. Nobody wants to admit that they feel weak or desperate, and that’s exactly how one often feels when struggling with addiction. 

But ask yourself this: what would the person you’re thinking of calling want you to do? Wouldn’t they want you to give them the chance to help someone they care about? How would you feel if the roles were reversed and you knew that the other person needed your help? You’d bust through the wall like the Kool Aid man to be there for them. Let the people who care about you care for you. You need it, and so do they. Not asking for help deprives both you and the person you should be reaching out to of a valuable opportunity. 

If you genuinely don’t feel the need for support, that’s fine. Reach out to someone you care about and share where you’re at mentally and emotionally today. When we put ourselves out there, it gives the other person the opportunity to open up as well. You never know, they may be in need of just such an opportunity. 

Either way, there’s great value in connecting with the people you care about. The effort is well worth it.

• Who did I ask for support/share with today?
• What support did I ask for/what did I share?
• How did their support make me feel?
• How did supporting me make them feel?

As I discuss in chapter seven of Triple Module Recovery, to my thinking there are six different types of health we can develop:

• Physical
• Emotional
• Intellectual
• Social
• Spiritual
• Financial

Physical, emotional, and intellectual health form a foundation of ability that allows you to move and operate with confidence. These three types of health I categorize under Strength. 

Social, spiritual, and financial health add dimension and quality to your life, so I categorize them under Depth. 

Chapter seve contains a list of strength habits. Select one physical habit, one emotional habit, and one intellectual habit to build. Start small and work on building these three habits every day. Even if you falter in one habit on a given day, you’ll have two other opportunities to grow.

• Did I complete a physical habit today? If yes, what did I do?
• Did I complete a emotional habit today? If yes, what did I do?
• Did I complete a intellectual habit today? If yes, what did I do?
• On a scale of 1-5, how difficult was it to complete my strength habits?
• How did completing my strength habits make me feel?

Most people don’t realize that building habits is a learned skill, not a triumph of iron willpower. There are strategies and behaviors anyone can use that will make you more successful at any habit you want to build or break. It starts with understanding the four phases of any habit:

1. Cue: The trigger that initiates the habit
2. Craving: The desire that drives you to perform the habit
3. Response: Performing the habit
4. Reward: The outcome that reinforces the habit

Preparing a counter strike simply means that we anticipate the events and situations that cue our additive habits and the cravings they trigger, then substitute a healthy coping mechanism for our typical addictive response and then reward ourselves with self-care. Remember that chapter seven of Triple Module Recovery contains lists of recommended coping mechanisms and self-care activities.

• Cue: Do I anticipate something triggering me today? What is it?
• Craving: What craving do I anticipate the cue creating?
• Response: What coping mechanism will I use?
• Reward: How will I engage in self-care?
• Did I practice my counter strike today? How many times?
• Did I need to use my counter strike today?
• If yes, how did I feel before, during, and afterwards?

The physical, emotional, and intellectual habits I categorized under Strength are all internally focused — they are tools for looking inward and improving your fundamental core. Depth habits, on the other hand, are externally focused — they’re about reaching for things beyond yourself and opening up. 

Select one social habit, one spiritual habit, and one financial habit from chapter seven of Triple Module Recovery  (or come up with your own).  As one should always do with habits, start so small it’s basically impossible to fail. It should take you no longer than two minutes to complete a habit when you’re first starting it. 

• Did I complete a social habit today? If yes, what did I do?
• Did I complete a spiritual habit today? If yes, what did I do?
• Did I complete a financial habit today? If yes, what did I do?
• On a scale of 1-5, how difficult was it to complete my depth habits?
• How did completing my depth habits make me feel?